The following was written by my son during his second year (out of 5 years) in recovery. These 5 years of recovery came after a span of over 20 years of active substance abuse:
Note To Self – My disease
Written May 23 2010
By Sean Riley (7/22/69 – 6/26/15)
1) My disease loves twisting my perception of reality just as much as it loves lying to me and bolstering my self hate.
2) My disease WILL kill me if I am not vigilant in my treatment of it.
3) No matter how loud my disease (the negative self-perception) screams in my head, it is in fact arrested at the moment, but my actions or reactions can release that f#cker at any time.
4) I have the tools to recover.(Whether I choose to do so or not is entirely up to me)
5) LOVE is a very important part of my recovery, almost as important God.
6) Practicing the spiritual principals found in the twelve steps of Narcotics Anonymous has given me a life worth living and when I do the right thing for the right reason (or without motives) I can live with the person I am becoming.
7) I am loved (see #1) there actually is NO void in me whatsoever. All the love I will ever need is within me already, my disease wants me to FEEL like I’m missing something, but I’m not.
8) I can only hope that step nine is going to do more of what steps 3,5,& 7 have already done for me- intellectually i know that beating myself up over my past does me absolutely no good……not even over my RECENT past.
9) GOD HAS MY BACK (even if I text in church).
10) I need to quit judging and practice acceptance (of myself and others).
11) I NEVER have to get high again. NEVER.
12) I’m not all that bad..