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[ Personal Narratives ]

9 Days Sober, Thanks To Digital Recovery Community

Yesterday was hard. No reason, just was.  I am relieved to have happened upon through Kelly Fitzgerald’s blog.  By reading everone elses stories dealing with addiction, I was able to remember that I am not alone fighting my addiction.

Alcohol has been around me my entire life. Family functions always included high balls, cigarettes and beer.  I began drinking at age 15. Whiskey mixed with iced tea in a Breck shampoo bottle. I was very athletic too. Played softball, ran track and loved to ride my bike. 

Get togethers with friends almost always included alcohol. We would drive around with a party ball and pass the tap around and drink from that. I graduated, went to college. Played raquetball, won tournaments.  My locker looked like a hotel servie bar.  I could mix anything from vodka gimlets or offer wine.  I graduated, short one class because I was too drunk to take a final.  

I was a hard worker too. Working at McDonald’s we would keep beer in the compactor room.  Take out the trash, swig a beer.  I got a job at a bank. Yep, drank there too.  Friday’s we had a 2 hour dinner break, we would go to a local pub.  Drink pitchers of beer, go back to work 6-8.  We sometimes drank wine during working hours.  

I was still playing softball too.  For bars, of course.  And naturally we had to support our team sponsor. I could go on and on.  It boils down to I have a problem.  I’m tired of having regrets when I wake up after a bindger.  I am obnoxious.  Think I’m smart, controversial.  When in fact I am an asshole.  

I am happily married to a wonderful man.  21 years!  We’re “drinking buddies”. We have the same jobs, same hours.  No kids, not a care in the world.  We can and probably have drank 7 days a week.  We gage where we drink by which barfriender is working.  We call it “right turn clyde”, because most of our bars are on the right.

Last week I woke up puffy, swollen from the prior day’s bindger.  I’m on 3 blood pressure pills and felt like my head was going to explode.  

The longest I’ve ever been sober is 2 weeks.  I like what Kelly said, it isn’t just One Day At a Time, it’s hours and minutes!  Yesterday was day 8 and was a very difficult day for me.  No reason, other than the fact that I’m an alcoholic.  I just wanted a drink but didn’t.  Oh and I forgot to mention that when I’m home, I don’t drink.  We like to drink “out”.  

I have read so many of YOUR stories and I appreciate you sharing your experiences.  I too have anxiety when I am shopping.  Have awoken screaming, pointing at the spiders on the wall.  Felt tremors inside.  Enough!  

So wish me luck (if there is such a thing).  And if you’re a believer, keep me in your prayers.  I am entering unchartered territory.  And am going to need all the support I can get!