Yesterday was hard. No reason, just was. I am relieved to have happened upon AddictionUnscripted.com through Kelly Fitzgerald’s blog. By reading everone elses stories dealing with addiction, I was able to remember that I am not alone fighting my addiction.
Alcohol has been around me my entire life. Family functions always included high balls, cigarettes and beer. I began drinking at age 15. Whiskey mixed with iced tea in a Breck shampoo bottle. I was very athletic too. Played softball, ran track and loved to ride my bike.
Get togethers with friends almost always included alcohol. We would drive around with a party ball and pass the tap around and drink from that. I graduated, went to college. Played raquetball, won tournaments. My locker looked like a hotel servie bar. I could mix anything from vodka gimlets or offer wine. I graduated, short one class because I was too drunk to take a final.
I was a hard worker too. Working at McDonald’s we would keep beer in the compactor room. Take out the trash, swig a beer. I got a job at a bank. Yep, drank there too. Friday’s we had a 2 hour dinner break, we would go to a local pub. Drink pitchers of beer, go back to work 6-8. We sometimes drank wine during working hours.
I was still playing softball too. For bars, of course. And naturally we had to support our team sponsor. I could go on and on. It boils down to I have a problem. I’m tired of having regrets when I wake up after a bindger. I am obnoxious. Think I’m smart, controversial. When in fact I am an asshole.
I am happily married to a wonderful man. 21 years! We’re “drinking buddies”. We have the same jobs, same hours. No kids, not a care in the world. We can and probably have drank 7 days a week. We gage where we drink by which barfriender is working. We call it “right turn clyde”, because most of our bars are on the right.
Last week I woke up puffy, swollen from the prior day’s bindger. I’m on 3 blood pressure pills and felt like my head was going to explode.
The longest I’ve ever been sober is 2 weeks. I like what Kelly said, it isn’t just One Day At a Time, it’s hours and minutes! Yesterday was day 8 and was a very difficult day for me. No reason, other than the fact that I’m an alcoholic. I just wanted a drink but didn’t. Oh and I forgot to mention that when I’m home, I don’t drink. We like to drink “out”.
I have read so many of YOUR stories and I appreciate you sharing your experiences. I too have anxiety when I am shopping. Have awoken screaming, pointing at the spiders on the wall. Felt tremors inside. Enough!
So wish me luck (if there is such a thing). And if you’re a believer, keep me in your prayers. I am entering unchartered territory. And am going to need all the support I can get!