This is probably one of the most difficult things I have ever had to do, but it has been a long time coming. I never felt normal as a child and never felt that I fit in. My self-esteem was always very low and I was always searching for a way to not feel so awkward in my own skin.
As I grew up I began to have even more feelings of inadequacy and became more depressed than ever before, that’s however until I met you. when we first met you showed me a way to make all those feelings go away and because of what you did for me, for the first time in my life I felt comfortable inside myself. You did for me what no one else ever could and that is why it has been so hard for me to let you go.
I know I can’t put all the blame on you for it was I who came to you. You were everything I had ever wanted in a friend, you made me feel normal and accepted. You took away my anxiety and no matter what the problem you had a way to make it all go away. You could always make the good times even better and the bad times not seem so bad. But as time went by something began to change. You stopped making me feel good or even normal instead you now made me feel bad without you, it wasn’t unless I spent my entire day with you giving you everything I had that day that you would make me feel okay.
Every day, it became more and more difficult to do anything without you. I now had to keep you near me at all times and was totally dependent upon you, exactly what you wanted. It’s only looking back now that I am able to realize that you knew the whole time exactly what you were doing. You were never a friend just a master manipulator. from day one you were planning how you would bring me down. You thought that if you kept leading me on long enough that I would never be able to leave you. You fooled me into thinking that there was nothing wrong with what we were doing and thinking that I needed you to survive. You always loved to make a fool of me. You then came between me and my family, making sure that you isolated me enough to where you were the only one I could turn to. You wanted all of my time, all of my money, and loved watching me suffer when I would try to get away. You enjoyed watching me fail and would laugh every time I would come crawling back. You knew how to make me feel hopeless and defeated.
For a while, I thought I would never be able to free myself from you. You took so much from me how could I ever get out? It seemed impossible at first the idea that I could get out of this alive, that I could actually leave you behind and start over, but you left me with nothing left to lose. When you took my children from me that was it. That was your big mistake.
A mother’s love for her children can do impossible things. I was ready to fight and I knew if I ever had a chance to get my family back I had to remove you from my life completely. I knew it was not going to be easy and that I couldn’t do it alone but with the help of others, it was possible. I enlisted help from my family, councilors, peers, and other addicts, pretty much anyone who was willing to help me I was open to. I opened myself up to my higher power (God) as well and he was able to free me from all the things I did when I was with you. Allowing me to separate myself from who I was then and who I am now. I know now who I really am, and if you were to see me now you would not even recognize me.
I know this fight is far from over but I am prepared steady developing weapons to take you out whenever you show your face. Things have really been amazing without you and I am finally getting my life turned back around. I got so much love and support now that you don’t have a chance of getting me back. WE ARE THROUGH!