by KIP SHUBERT
It Broke Her Heart She Could Not Save Me
I had a problem not even a mother could solve. It broke her heart she could not save me. I could see the hurt in her eyes as we shared some time together the night before I left for rehab at Valley Hope in Cushing, OK. What she didn’t know then was that the more she tried to fix it for me the more harm she did. She would learn in the coming years that our relationship would be elevated to its highest pain through my addiction to alcohol. A problem not even a mother could solve. A problem that led me and my mother to many solutions.
A wake of destruction that rivals the tornadoes of Oklahoma
Alcoholism wreaks havoc on a family. It leaves a wake of destruction that rivals the tornadoes we have here in Oklahoma. It leaves families not knowing how they can ever recover the good ole days they all once knew. The good news is that not only can the alcoholic recover but the family can as well. They all have to go through their own sort of recovery. For some it can be simple while others may need a great deal of help. The promises not only work for the addict but they also work for the family. For me and my mom our relationship has never been better. Here is how it worked for us.
Through my stay in rehab my mother also began her healing process. She participated in the family program and learned of Al Anon. She began learning the things she needed to do for herself. She became aware the best way to help save her son was to save herself. I will not say it was an easy lesson but just like in my recovery she got well a day at a time. These are the crucial yet simple steps she followed.
*Acknowledge the issues she had and commitment to better herself. Through that process she was able to begin to heal the devastation my alcoholism had left her.
*Creating solid boundaries. Not allowing others behaviors to compromise hers.
*Loving herself let her love me and not enable me.
*Creating her own program and working it one day at a time.
The more she tried to love me the more she was hurting me
Alcoholism was a path I would not have chosen. It is, however, the path that led me and my mom to a wonderful and deeper relationship. I also believe it has brought me closer to my siblings. In my alcoholism my mom only wanted to save me. To fix it for me like any great mother would. The more she tried to love me the more she was hurting me. Once she learned about this disease and her own path to recovery she then began to love me in a way that only added to my recovery. My mom has always been there. She never stopped believing in me. She is my biggest fan. Thank you Mom! I know I have not been an easy child but your love means the world to me. I am thankful we are on this road together. I could not ask for a better mother. A mother I affectionately call “Muth”.