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[ Opinion ] [ Personal Narratives ]


Have you ever thought to yourself, I’m happy to be alive?

I obsess on this feeling many times throughout my day, but I didn’t always feel this way. The consuming power of addiction and its long sharp claws can sink real deep into our being, leaving us with only thoughts of how we are going to make it to the next day, or how we are going to get our next fix. When we are high, we become what we sometimes perceive as the biggest, somewhat colorful outermost layer of the nesting dolls. The drugs and alcohol act as the somewhat colorful paint on this outer doll, only to hide many, many layers hidden within. We find the only way to keep ourselves beautiful is to keep ourselves sane and often we do this by any means necessary. We lie, cheat, steal and sometimes do the things we vowed to never do. We hang on desperately to keep our outer color from fading. At some point we run out of options and the paint begins to fade. It is a painful and hopeless process that becomes an epic battle within our own minds. The physical sickness will only lubricate the evil’s desire to push you back out where it wants you to be. The evil is something that we have manifested, and this self made evil wants to keep us chasing.

If you are here in this moment, and the battle is raging, and you are fighting with this evil, you should take comfort in knowing that you now realize you are not this “self-made evil.” Your outer shell is fading and you are letting the light in. I know how painful it is, and I know what you are going through. I know that in this moment it is hard for you to fathom the possibility of rising up…but you can, you just have to let go. Telling yourself that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired lets me know that you are ready to let go. When I say “Let Go,” I literally mean let go of every single thing you think you know about life and turn your will over to a higher power of your understanding. We must understand the importance of believing that there is something greater than ourselves that you can turn our thoughts over too.

This something, this higher power, this God of your understanding, this perception is one that should be trusted from within your own heart. Your God, your higher power, that is the light of change. When you release your thoughts to that light and you simply say “I don’t know how to live,” that is how you begin to crack those brittle outer layers of the nesting shell known as addiction. Inside of those outer layers is a new way of life.

Gratitude is like the hammer that will bust open those outer layers. Gratitude stems from our past experiences and all things in front of our own eyes. It’s the realization of the here and now. It comes from the understanding that everything about our life, and ability to live like we do, is a gift. In our addiction we didn’t appreciate the value of the small things. So the more we crack open these layers with the “hammer of gratitude” the more we will see how important and valuable the seemingly insignificant things REALLY ARE. Things like love, compassion, empathy, acceptance and being no-judgmental will become of great importance in our life. When we crack these outer layers we will be left with many pieces. In order to clean up these pieces we must always put effort into being humble and mindful. By using these characteristics it can be considered the dust pan and brush of our consciousness…It is important that we start taking the pieces to the trash for disposal. In other words, we cannot change the past, but we can forgive ourselves and let go of the past, so that we may focus on what is important for becoming a better person in the future. Everyday we will be taking pieces to the trash, and remember that the more pieces we are taking to the trash the more colorful our layers become, and now we are exposing them to everything around us.

When we fill our life with nothing but positive thoughts and positive energy it can be compared to adding the neon paint to the outermost layer. People begin to see us, and they see us because we have changed and so they give to us. They don’t give us items or money, they give us positive energy through positive thoughts, and when we are in the beginning stages of living out our good intentions, we then become very perceptive to this energy. We start to have an incredible appreciation for every little thing life gives us. Then having the ability to be genuinely grateful for these gifts of life will become the most life changing feeling you are going to have. Pretty soon we find ourselves using the “dust pan and brush” at every moment in our existence, except at some point you don’t want to throw away those pieces. As a matter of fact you begin to dig through the trash to find pieces that serve as a reminder for how far we have come. We take these pieces and begin to add them to the recycling bin. It is true, recovery is a “Tall Order” but it is one that can be achieved by anyone.


Before it is too late..I’m here to let you know that you can let can learn how to live a better life, so when you do see the tiny light of change within yourself, latch on and be grateful, be mindful, stay positive, be honest, be humble, be kind, be loving, be caring, be selfless and be respectful. Do this and put in the work every day and I promise that you will be a beautiful and colorful nesting doll that will spend the rest of your life popping off new, different, beautiful and inspiring layers for the world to see. And when you do, remember that these layers can and should be shared with the rest of the world, because one day someone will see that colorful layer and decide they too want to change!