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[ Personal Narratives ]

Another day…

I don’t know where to start. I clicked on a story that took me to this site “My Hero is a Heroin Addict”. I couldn’t stop reading story after story and crying because I finally felt part of a place where people would understand… maybe…

My own addiction started 6 years ago. Tired of fighting with my boyfriend about his pill use and wanting to get along. Wanting to “make it work for the kids”…..but after all is said and done – simply wanting to die.

I first turned to pills to get back at him for doing it behind my back. Soon my resentment became addiction. An addiction that got a hold of me and never let go. I didn’t think I had a problem. As long as I was working and everything appeared normal – I wasn’t in too deep. 

Pills became scarce. My boyfriend offered me a line and said it was an OP he cooked down to snort. I tried and and loved it. He continued to feed me lines he scored from selling for his buddies. I never questioned it. I thought as long as we weren’t buying it we’re good right? I overheard his friend ask “How was that, boii?” I looked up what that meant and was immediately hurt – I felt betrayed. How could I let myself be so desperate to snort anything in front of me?! Before my fear subsided I was reassuring myself that it was only a little bit. Promising to not “get too bad”…

Six months later I began to lose everything. My job, car, my home…and blamed the company or the landlord or bosses. Everyone but myself. For years I blamed everyone for circumstance that I created.

After losing everything I stopped for a while…I thought I had won. I had a new baby – I promised I would never give in. I never wanted to feel that way again.

A month later – I found myself looking for a pill or some heroin to take away the pain….

A year later – repeated the cycle of losing everything! It still has me in its clutches – I don’t know if I will ever be free…