Looking back, I can see the bubble. It was the world I lived in. Not perfect by any means but it was my bubble. I knew my place, my children’s place, my ex husbands place, where my community fit, my church, work etc. it was predictable. It wasn’t penetrative. Even my children’s terrible twos or the passing of my mom couldn’t pop my bubble world.
Enter drugs and my then 14 year old.
My bubble didn’t just pop it exploded. My predictable world blown into a million pieces.
Suddenly, I was vulnerable, faced with a culture I knew nothing about. The impact threw me into a tight grip of fear, rage, and terror.
Overnight my calculable life became chaos. Panick attacks became an everyday occurrence as I tried to cope while trying not to spin out of control. Emotions I had never experienced before; hate; anxiety; desparation, guilt, ashamed, vengeful, became my new existence.
My world became a dark seemingly endless abyss and I was falling deeper and deeper into it……………it was suffocating me.