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[ Personal Narratives ]

Diary of a Crazed Addict & Alcoholic Mother/School Counselor/Daughter/Friend

This is the first time I have ever written about my story.  Instead of starting at the beginning I will start from today.  Today I sit in my 4th residential treatment program after struggling with addiction for the past 10 years.  I honestly do not know why I am alive today as I have begged for God to take my life so many times.  But I am here…..week 1 of my hopefully last program I will ever have to be involved in.  

I share my story in hopes that even one person may benefit and have hope that they are not alone in their addiction and the havoc it has caused in their life.  Addiction has taken everything from me.  10 years ago I was the model citizen of my community, a good mother and wife, a professional high school counselor, and owned a home, car, and many other wonderful things.  In 10 years I have managed to tear it all down.  Just over a week ago I was living on a park bench 6 states away from my home-state, knowing not a soul, trying to survive on the only drug I had access too…alcohol.  I begged for God to take my life…I was at my wits end.  

Instead an ambulance picked me up and brought me to a detox center.  Since I was homeless I had two sets of clothes, a comb, and one pair of underwear.  EVERYTHING I had ever had was stolen or lost.  I was somehow given another chance….the detox center got me into a residential long term program.  How this happened I have no idea.  I have no insurance, no ID, no money….nothing.  So I start with nothing…..nothing at all.  And I honestly am scared shitless and have no idea in how to rebuild.  The fact that I can even write about where I am today is a miracle.  I want to write everyday in hopes that someone will read this and understand.  Understand how addiction can take you down some ugly and vulgar roads and tear apart everything you have.  I am grateful for the little things….for waking up today and the fact my children are safe.