I’ve failed the ones who love me most. I try so hard everyday to better myself and to prove that I’m better and that in the past I have made mistakes but every time things go well or start to better something happens and it ruins my relationship with my parents even more. I know what I’ve done in the past wasn’t always the best or smart ideas. But now I’m an adult almost 21 and it’s time for me to prove my adult hood. I need some guidance. Some help on how I can regain my relationship with my parents and have there trust.
I would stop making failed attempts at a relationship immediately. As another person effected by addiction, I know every time my husband attempted to push a change in our relationship; I became skeptical of his intentions. The first step in repairing this relationship is accepting it exactly the way it is. Stop trying to control the people around you. There was is no way for you to make this change happen. Go on with your life. Do what you are supposed to do. Believe me they are watching.
Agree with previous comments…time will reveal your changed behavior while also heal broken relationships…sometimes it seems like an eternity before you notice any different treatment from others, but it’s to be expected…just don’t say you are going to do something then not do it, enough of this will make this process impossible at times…believe in yourself, set productive and obtainable goals, put in the necessary work and always make your word something people can grow to trust as the truth…you will become the new, improved you and your relationships will mend all in due time…be patient and only focus on what you can control…good luck!
As a parent of an addict/alcoholic, one statement stuck: separate the actions of the addict from my son, the person. The things he did and said was the addiction. Changed behaviors is key, on both sides. Counseling is very helpful. Your saying you are sorry is healing for a parent, but not a time to rehash it all. Truth, truth truth. Offer parents information they need (and you are able to share) before they ask. Regular communication. New fun times together so you can enjoy each other’s company and build a new, better and stronger relationship. Your parents want and need that too.
Best Wishes for all…
Hi, I’m a single mom of an addict and first I wish love and peace for both you and your parents. There is only one way to gain trust back – absolute truth. Tell them what you said in your post. That you understand the past was rough, and that you can’t promise to be perfect but that you want to try and regain their trust. Tell them that you understand that it will take time, but you are willing to work at it – then honestly be willing to work at it. When they question you understand that it’s coming from a place of fear – and answer their questions. If you say you will be there at a certain time – be there at that time. If you tell them you will do something – do it. And keep doing that until one day you all realize that the trust is back. It won’t come quickly, but it will come. Have faith, and it will come.
As a parent of a son who was and addict for 16 years, clean now for over three, I can say that each day will just get better and better while you all heal. The scars run deep for both, for different reasons. The pride your parents will begin to feel for you, something they have probably never thought would ever be, will start to be real, as the fear of losing you is replaced by love, one day at a time.
You can do this, Never forget that…