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[ Opinion ]

For Those Embarrassed at My Transparent Attempt To Recover

August 18th, 2016

An open letter to my family and “friends”

So many, if not most of my “friends” on Facebook love to judge me by what I post about. Enjoy yourselves. But let me set this straight… First off, if you don’t like what I post then see that little option that says “more” below my picture… Go ahead and block me. ?  

Just know that you are giving into the very same stigma that i’m fighting against! 

For those of you who don’t already know… I have struggled with addiction for a while. I am proud and not embarrassed to say that because it’s what’s made me strong in many aspects. It’s no secret anymore because the more open I am, the more i allow others to help me and the more able I am to help others. 

Yes, I’ve lost plenty of “friends” and family who frown upon being so transparent, my intention is not embarrass you, but if it does, that’s on you, not me.  My struggle doesn’t define me! For the first time I am dealing with all the raw emotions, feelings I used to cope with in other ways. No one knows my daily struggle. No one knows the thoughts that go through my head. I used to have so many “friends” when I went out, but now that jar seems rather empty. But less is more! Id rather have a few quality friends than a bunch of fake ones.

Today I am sober by the grace of God. I don’t know what will happen in the future…. I may slip and drink again. I may stay sober the rest of my life. But I wont let either define me. I can’t promise i’ll stay sober beyond this moment because I have an addiction, and I do miss it, I do have moments of insanity, cunning and baffling. But for today, i’m doing all i can to stay sober.

My upbringing  in no way shape or form made me become an addict. I didn’t chose it. My parents instilled great morals, they gave me more than any child can ask for and I’m forever grateful for that. Because of them I learned to hustle, i learned to be a hard worker, I finished college and maintained a job. So if you ever see my parents or my sister, give them a giant hug for being the best family one could ask for growing up.

I’m not sorry to those family members who think I’m an embarrassment or failure. I’d suggest you educate yourself on addiction because you never know when it will hit close to you. I am one emotional roller coaster (not fun) trying to figure who exactly I am, though that is probably going to be a life long journey, shouldn’t it be?

To the ones that do understand, or at least try to empathize, or put themselves in my shoes, thank you, it’s because of you that i’m able to keep going everyday, even when I want to give up or when I start loosing hope. I am fighting my hardest every single day. 

I’m sorry about the mess I’ve been lately and Im sure I’m difficult to support at times. Please don’t give up on me. To those who have stuck by me, words will never express and you will never know what it means or how it’s saved me. Depression doesn’t make one crazy, it’s probably the worst feeling and thing anyone can go through. (No control over it) I am a happy and blessed person but sometimes the strong fall weak. 

This too shall pass;