It is amazing how addiction works. It never sleeps, even when you are clean. It waits patiently in the background doing pushups so it will be ready when you have that moment of weakness. I first got clean in 2002. I was an IV drug user that thought he would never be able to get clean, but I did.
Life was amazing. I got a job, a place to live, mended relationships with my family, and even went back to school. I could not have asked for a better life. Two technical certificates and a Bachelor’s degree in English later, I decided I wanted to be a police officer.
I truly believe that although most addicts hate cops, we secretly would love to do what they do. I sponsored myself through the police academy and graduated at the very top of my class. I was quickly hired by a police department and began getting awards my first year in. Commendations for heroic bravery, most arrests in a year, and was even voted favorite police officer by the local newspaper. I was at the top of my game.
Being a recovering drug addict gave me an advantage most police officers will never have. It gave me a view into the underworld that others can only speculate about. I remember the drives across town to score dope, where the dope houses were, who sold what, and most importantly every hiding spot in a vehicle to hide dope (I used them all myself). I quickly rose through the ranks and was promoted to Narcotics Detective. I had made so many drug arrests that the Narcotics division wanted me bad. I made more felony cases in the first six months that the whole division made in an entire year. I had around 11 years clean when I first started using “Jane.” Jane was a confidential informant of mine who had been someone I had know my whole life.
Jane and I started a sexual relationship that was very unethical. By this time the department had encouraged me to stop going to 12 step meetings because of the number of people that I was making cases against that were there for court ordered attendance. I obliged.
One day Jane came over to my house with my drug of choice already loaded up in a syringe. I was powerless over addiction and my life was about to become unmanageable. Fast forward about 6 months. I was using everyday, I had to resign from my job amidst allegations of missing evidence, and my life was spiraling out of control. I still could not see the problem. Like most addict’s I thought It was everyone around me that had the problem.
Later I began using another confidential informant to purchase dope for me. After a particularly long wait (3 days), I decided to go to his house and see what the hold up was. I’ll spare the gory details, but I found him and his wife both murdered for their past cooperation with me as a narcotics officer. They were both dead because of me. It wasn’t long before phone logs were gotten and I was questioned in their murders. I lost a vehicle, guns, clothes, money, and other items that needed to be seized to check for blood spatter, ballistics, and who knows what else. The only thing I ever got back was my vehicle.
I was finally cleared of the murders and finished a 30 stint in rehab. I didn’t make it to meetings or do anything different so as you can guess I got high again. I began to order dope form the darkweb and it was strong and cheap. This time I entered rehab because I was tired of it all instead of trying to escape consequences.
Today I am over 120 days clean and so happy to be alive. This is a very non detailed and condensed version of what happened, but I assure you it happened.
Check out my blog for a more detailed story updated every weekday. addictiontorecovery.blogspot.com