I hate that I love drugs . All drugs I’m not into alcohol never have been . I hate that I love the life style that being a drug addict affords . It suits me and I hate that it does. In treatment nobody really talks about how fun and free a junkies life can be and if you do it scares people trying to recover . I don’t rember the market ever being a fun event until I started taking oxy cotin vacuuming on cocaine I couldn’t wait and sex on speed if you’ve been there it’s hard to go back . I go back and forth sober high sober high . I can more easily let go of the drugs but beware the lifestyle is also a drug . My struggle is real and tomorrow I start sobriety one more day at a time .