I believe that when you think about being a mother or father, you can already imagine your children facing all stages of development: baby, child, teenager and adults. We always aim for each of these stages in the best possible way, but they don’t always go as we planned.
We are human beings and we are exposed to coexistences beyond the family base, which directly influences the structure of everyone’s personality. Even with these influences, our expectations are always the best.
However, adolescence is still one of the phases that most attracts attention, mainly due to the complexity and changes that occur in this period. In this way, we have several factors that are essential to know, which can lead to a positive relationship with teenagers. So, let’s analyze some aspects together?
How was your adolescence?
You may have been an absolutely normal teenager. Or, maybe a teenager that you now recognize was a lot of work. In fact, we usually forget important aspects of the experience of our adolescence.
Therefore, we do not remember exactly how we felt, how we were treated and our insecurities. After all, it is not always easy to remember risky attitudes, “crazy” thoughts and impulsively spoken words. We keep several emotions to ourselves under lock and key during this period, so the memory may not be the most accurate.
Even so, there is a great tendency for you to repeat the model of relationship you obtained with your parents as a teenager with your children today. Sure enough, they did the best they could at the time, so acknowledge that. However, be aware of this reference and seek resources to be better than your parents were with you.
What factors are in common in adolescence?
Adolescence is a time of great social and emotional development for your child. During his teens, you’ll notice changes in the way he interacts with family, friends, and classmates. They tend towards isolation in the family environment and great interest in peer relationships, which can bring anxiety to you.
The teenager is in search of a new identity. In this way, he rehearses his independence by dealing with self-responsibility and living new experiences. However, this brings with it a baggage of emotions and a whirlwind of sensations, which brings, at the very least, a higher level of anxiety.
The maturation of each teenager is different. In this sense, brain development, relationships with the environment, experiences with community and culture shape your child’s progress. Social and emotional changes show that the person is forming an independent identity and learning to be an adult.
How can you prepare?
It is essential that you have knowledge about this stage of life and the ability to empathize with your teenager. Knowing how to manage your emotions in the face of unexpected contexts, in addition to understanding and providing support in every way, certainly contributes to the relationship between parents and children.
Also, it is essential to know when to set limits, expressing care and love by protecting them from risk or harm to themselves and others. These limitations make it possible to demonstrate that there is a safe harbor for him.
In addition, dialogue must be a constant presence in the relationship. In this way, it is necessary to show the importance of self-responsibility, as well as the benefits of taking care of yourself.
It is not an easy task to help a teenager grow into a caring, independent, and responsible adult. Understand the parenting skills you need to help guide your teen.
show your love
Positive attention is critical for teens. Spend time with your child to show him that you care. So listen when he talks and respect his feelings. And if your child doesn’t seem interested in bonding, keep trying.
Also, try to have regular meals together as it can be a good way to bond. Better yet, invite your teen to cook the meal with you. In fact, on days when you’re having trouble talking to him, make it possible for everyone to do their own thing in the same environment. Being close to each other can lead to the start of a conversation.
Also, if you are pointing out something your child could do better, keep your criticisms specific to the behavior. Do not make personal statements about him and avoid generalizing with a dismissal.
set reasonable expectations
Teenagers tend to live up to their parents’ expectations, so set your expectations high. But instead of focusing on accomplishments, such as getting good grades, also expect your child to be kind, considerate, respectful, honest, and generous.
In that sense, when it comes to day-to-day accomplishments, remember that teens gain confidence through success, which can prepare them for the next challenge. Don’t forget to try to explore challenges.
That way, as your teen takes on more difficult tasks, support him in determining what else he can do. If your child falls short, react with support and encourage him to recover and try again. It’s more important to praise your child’s effort than the result.
set a positive example
Teenagers learn to behave by watching their parents. Your actions often speak louder than your words. Show your child how to deal with stress in a positive way and be resilient. Be a good role model and he will likely follow your example. This goes for all areas of life.