Currently, we hear a lot about the abusive relationship, however, many people still don’t know exactly what it really means or how to identify these characteristics within their relationships.
Let’s be clear: an abusive relationship is one in which the excessive power of one predominates over the other, from actions, attitudes and verbal orders that humiliate, constrain and limit. In general, a relationship can be considered abusive when one of the parties has power and control over the other, preventing their actions, opinions or behavior.
It is important to emphasize this concept, as many live in an abusive relationship and do not know it, as they think that the relationship is only abusive when there is physical or verbal violence. However, any relationship in which there is bullying, abuse of power, manipulation, loss of freedom, punishment, psychological violence or humiliation can be considered abusive.
In addition, abusive relationships can often be disguised as care, going unnoticed while the victim increasingly feels indebted and guilty to the other. Abusive attitudes can happen to anyone, regardless of gender, age and relationship.
What are the signs of an abusive relationship?
Detecting an abusive relationship may not be such an easy task, mainly because it includes noticing problematic signs in an affective relationship. As such, I outline below some forms of abuse to pay attention to.
- Physical abuse: includes pinching, slapping, punching, shoving, kicking and any type of physical attack. There is no justification for it, even if it occurs only once;
- Emotional abuse: includes humiliation, belittling, controlling behavior, threats, intimidation and dishonor. If your partner constantly makes you feel worthless or worthless, you are in an abusive situation;
- Financial abuse: it happens when the aggressor has full control over the victim through finances, depriving him of personal freedom. This happens in many ways, such as preventing the partner from working, taking money the partner has earned, or denying them access to their bank account;
- Sexual abuse: this is a very common practice of domestic violence. The fact of having had consensual relationships with the aggressor in the past does not imply the obligation to have relationships whenever he wants. Other aspects that make up sexual abuse are impregnating the woman without her consent or forcing her to have an abortion against her will.
In addition, it is worth mentioning that not all aspects occur simultaneously, sometimes it can be just one or the other.
How to get out of an abusive relationship
Now that we understand what constitutes an abusive relationship, let’s get to the main point: how to get out of this relationship.
Getting out of an abusive relationship is much harder than it looks. In most cases, the person goes through situations in which their self-esteem is usually practically extinguished, in addition to configuring a deep emotional dependence.
So, I left some tips to get out of this relationship in a safe and healthy way.
Do a self-analysis of your relationship
The first point is to do a self-analysis of your relationship, taking into account everything that actually happens. So notice if you feel sad or controlled at all times. Understand if you are free, if your opinion matters or if you really get what you want.
In many cases, the abused person cannot imagine being with another person and ends up staying in prison because of this illusion. In fact, excessive jealousy is also another characteristic factor of a relationship in which there is emotional abuse.
Start your decision-making process
By identifying the signs that demonstrate an abusive relationship, it is necessary to immediately start your decision-making process. As you may already know, this step is not easy.
The fear of being alone or even being unhappy is enormous. In this way, sometimes even lack the courage to consider or start a conversation about the end of the relationship. So the search for support at this stage is very important.
So, do a careful self-analysis and gather the necessary courage to finally make the decision to communicate your partner about the end of the relationship. A tip: avoid any kind of discussion and make it clear that this is a measure that has already been thought of and that there is no going back, as there are no debates or arguments that will make you change your mind.
Make the decision confidently and assertively
When identifying aggressive behavior in the partner, try to communicate the decision to end the relationship in public places, over the phone or even close to someone you know.
Create a safe environment and try to have the self-esteem to make this decision without going back. The ideal is to have complete security and conviction.
The first thing the abusive person will do is tell you that everything is fine with you and that tomorrow he will be a better person. The abuser will also say that they don’t need help from others and that love can overcome violence.
Love overcomes sadness, difficulties and differences, however, love is based on respect. So acts of brutality go against everything true love stands for.
Love is nourished by kindness and gentleness. But if there is violence and abuse, no matter how big that love is, it will disintegrate and die. So seek help for your life. There are professionals, family and friends always ready to help you out of this suffering.
Look for a psychologist to help with this process of self-knowledge. Psychological care will be able to make you understand why this happened, as well as really understand the emotional side, dependence and also improve self-esteem.
Sometimes the suffering was so great that you just want to see yourself away from this person, but it takes patience and care, because abusive people are also manipulative.
In order for your partner to understand that the relationship is over, speak as clearly and cautiously as possible. Also, never be alone with him, as we don’t know what the other is capable of when he receives no.
take care of yourself
The abusive relationship tends to damage and destroy the best in the abused person. So, one of the best things you can do is start taking care of yourself.
Raise your head, take care of your appearance, find yourself or reinvent yourself. However, never give up on yourself, not for anything or anyone.
Be firm in your decision
Generally, the abusive person tends to be mean, selfish, and toxic. So, as much as the other promises changes in his way of being, he will not be trusted, as he will repeat the same behavior.
Unfortunately, the abuser tends to destroy everything that surrounds him, especially the loved one, after all, if he does not submit to the whims and selfish desires of the other, he will suffer verbal, psychological and even physical violence.
Sometimes you have to say “goodbye” no matter how hard it is. Stand firm in your decision. You should and deserve to be happy, because you should only fight for what is really worth it.
Abusive relationship is unhealthy
Most of the time, the abused person finds it difficult to recognize himself as such, which makes it difficult to break this unequal power relationship. However, when the person reaches the limit in this type of relationship, he usually shows signs, mainly, of health.
Thus, it is common to observe headaches and body aches, anxiety, insomnia, depression, panic attacks, tingling, difficulty breathing, emotional pressure, binge eating, lack of self-esteem and even suicidal thoughts.
That is, when your relationship interferes not only with your emotional well-being, but also with your daily activities, it is more than a sign for you to start taking care of yourself and realize that something is not right.
Seek help from a professional to work on your self-esteem. Don’t get used to unhappiness. You deserve to be loved in a healthy way. A healthy relationship makes you grow as a person. She accepts, respects and values you exactly as you are.
Never forget that love does not control, humiliate, embarrass, manipulate, mock, blackmail, threaten, attack, arrest, belittle, diminish, deceive or mistreat.