When I was 14 the last thing on my mind was going to rehab or going to twelve step meetings, however when you get caught school with marijuana someone else dictates what you do. So here I am at 14, walking into some of the scariest rooms I had ever endured, I was the youngest person there but seeds of recovery were planted. I continued on for the next 12 years to get high, I had periods of sobriety but mainly still actively using. If you knew me you steered clear, my life revolved around getting the next one no matter the consequences, which meant hurting whomever I came in contact with. I would cheat, steal, lie, con and manipulate you, even the ones who meant the most to me, my family.
My parents got into recovery when I was 16 but I was already well on my way to becoming a junkie, so I did what any good addict does, I ran from myself. I moved to a different state and thought I would “show them”, all I did was leave a tornado of destruction in my path. I continued to hurt my loved ones and friends for another 10 years, before I finally felt defeat. I had traumatic things happen, like being raped twice and being in a physically abusive relationship, which I used as excuses to get high but ultimately I got high to feel numb.
In February of last year I overdosed for the 5th time and realized I didn’t want to die like this so I continued to use suboxone until I got a bed in rehab, about 2 weeks later. I went into rehab pretending I didn’t have all the answers for once, and got the help I needed. I had to go to court for charges from my last overdose and got put in jail. I spent 6 months in jail, during which I lost my uncle from an overdose, it nearly killed my heart.
To lose someone who had always been there through your life was gut wrenching, and hurt my heart deeply. While in jail I was offered a program called restrictive treatment court, which is otherwise known as drug court. When I was released I was released to a long term rehab and was there for three months, then moved to a six month halfway house which I graduated on March 8,2016. I now live in a three quarter house. I’m so grateful for my journey and if everything didn’t happen in this order I might not still be clean today. On the 23rd I will celebrate 15 months clean which is a miracle in itself. Keep coming back, your life will get better……