As a man you are taught to be strong, be tough, dont cry and dont tell all your business. But as I have lived my life so far, i have come to find out that most of that is so false and misunderstood.
I have just gone through one of the biggest life changing moments in my life over the last week. The way it happened was in a way that I thought would never happen or imagine it would happen. But at the end of the day I’m so glad it did because it has allowed me to learn about me and what I need to do to be a better man.
I came accross my addiction by hurting someone and those close to me by 1) DISHONESTY 2) DISRESPECT 3) SELFISHNESS and 4) NOT LETTING GO OF THINGS I COULD CONTROL.
Before this happened I knew I wanted to change my life and the way I acted to become a better man. So I started to attend church on a more regular basis, reading the bible to see if that would help change me and stop going out to clubs and bars as much. But all those things really never helped me they just keep it at a distance for time being.
Through this I final was blessed to meet the woman I always wanted and prayed about to have in my life. Beautiful from head to toe, Strong mind and heart and just a GREAT WOMAN.
I knew she was the one for me on all the feelings I had going through me on a spiritual and physical basis. But the one thing I never thought was how she was the one to help in the changing process of me BECOMING A BETTER MAN.
She told me things no one else every took the time to tell me about. how i was treating people, the affect it caused people, how it allowed her to think about me and etc…
I cried and cried and cried for 7 days straight. Looking at myself from how she talked to me. Questioning myself about what i was doing and how i was doing it. And through all of it i found i had a problem. An ADDICTION.
Addiction: compulsive need for and use of a habit-forming substance.
My addiction caused me to search out things that I didnt need but kept running back to. My addiction started as a young kid and i took it the wrong way and now im learning to deal with fixing it.
I took the 1st step in ADMISSION of my wrong behavore and actions that come with them. 2nd i reached out for help through counseling and noe starting group sessions.
I know this is a day by day, month to month process in LEARNING TO BE A BETTER MAN WHILE DEALING WITH AN ADDICTION. But with my DETERMINATION, WANT TO GET HELP AND WANT TO BE BETTER the process is a good start.
I hope thru my experience i can help someone who is going through a tough and difficult time like I am going through to know they can overcome it.
I must end part 1 by saying THANK YOU to this AMAZING WOMAN because she has been very supportive of me while I work on learning to be a better man. I dont know the out come of the furture but i know im repositioning myself to be a better man from it.
We are all human and life is classroom of learning and growing and experiences to help us LEARN.
THANK GOD for his mercy and fruitfulness. For forgiveness and the opportunity to learn and grow from every situation.