The van you see above was my home. I lived in the Wal Mart parking lot with a crippling crystal meth addiction. What started out as something fun to do with my cousin, turned into a nightmare.
I was 23 when I was introduced to meth. I had never heard of it and didn’t have a clue what it was. All I know is I was hooked after the first hit. I felt on top of the world. I couldn’t believe the amount of energy I had. It was like a dream come true. It wasn’t long before my husband joined me. A few months later we were full-blown tweakers. We had two boys ages two and four who were not being properly taken care of due to our addiction.
Crystal meth began to destroy my feelings and emotions. I started not caring about anything but getting high. I wanted nothing to do with my husband or kids. After a few months I got so sick of them I ran away, literally. I moved to Idaho with my cousin. Finally I was free of all responsibility and could just be high all the time. That lasted not even two months. My husband refused to lose me and showed up one day with the kids. He talked me into coming back with him. I wanted to go but at the same time I didn’t.
I quit using for 3 months and suffered the worst cravings and withdrawals I’d ever experienced. Thankfully my husband had moved us far away from everyone we knew so I couldn’t get high if I wanted too, I didn’t know anyone. We ended up moving again only this time we moved in right next door to a major meth dealer.
We spent the next 7 months tweaking, hardcore. I don’t remember a lot of what happened during those months but I do remember being arrested 3 times, doing time, staying up for 7 days straight then sleeping for two days, and living in complete hell and misery. We finally got kicked out and moved back to our home town. Things went from bad to worse.
My husbands sister caught me with my pipe and baggie full of shards and flipped out on us. After she blew up on us she calmed down and offered to take our boys overnight so we could go look into getting into treatment. The next day she proceeded to tell us that she wasn’t giving us our kids back until we completed treatment. That plunged us into meth further than we had ever gone before. That weekend we lost our jobs, car, house, and kids.
My dad was nice enough to give us his old Chevy van so we had somewhere to sleep. We spent six months in that freaking van. I couldn’t handle how miserable I was. Starving, freezing cold, having to get up in the middle of the night and find a bush to pee in hoping no one saw me, that was my life. Every time I came down, I felt worse and worse than I did before I got high. I wanted out so bad. I tried to quit so many times but the cravings were so powerful and I felt so helpless not to mention hopeless.
December 2005. We were spending some time at a friends house. After being up for days I crashed and slept for a few days just like I had so many times in the past. The morning I woke up, something was different. I felt different. I felt kinda, well, normal or clear-headed if you will. Then out of nowhere I heard a voice clear a day say, “You’re done.” I knew it was God and I shook my head in agreement. I was in fact done. I called my dad whom I had not spoken to in months on account of all the pain I’d caused them and all the money I had stolen. He was indeed the last person I wanted to see.
He didn’t even hesitate but drove out and picked us up. We got to my parents house where we were greeted with nothing but love and forgiveness. We prayed and asked God to forgive us, heal us, and set us free from meth addiction. Wouldn’t you know it? That’s exactly what he did! That day, December 12, 2005, we walked away from crystal meth and never looked back. Never once experienced any kind of withdrawals or cravings. We were healed and set free. This December will be 10 years clean from crystal meth.
I have dove into to helping others who are addicted. I run my own website and am starting a recovery support group of my own in October. I want to share my story so people know that there is hope, you can quit and never go back, you can be genuinely happy and fulfilled living life after meth. Thank you and God bless!