A lot of people look at addicts with disgust, as if they choose to be the person they are every day and as much as I do choose to chase Heroin every day, I don’t choose to have the mental disease I am suffering from. It started as simple as drinking with friends on the weekends when I was 14, I knew right away that I liked being under the influence and I liked to numb any feelings I had emotionally and physically.
You could say a lot about addicts, we are liars and thieves, we are manipulative and selfish, we don’t want to face our problems so we chase our drug of choice all day long just to cope. When I was 16, I had already tried Xanax, Cocaine, Weed, Adderal, Ecstasy, Acid, and Shrooms but I had never touched an opiate. It started with roxies (instant release Oxycodone), the first time I smoked one – I knew right then that I was in love and I wasn’t only going to do it that night.
This isn’t to glorify drugs because by all means I do not wish or hope for ANYONE to ever try them but I myself, knew right there that I had found my DOC. Nothing else ever got me the way those little blue pills did. No problem I was having mattered, All that mattered was finding money to get more. After chasing them around for 5 years, Stealing everything and anything of my Mom’s to sell and “borrowing” endless amounts of money from my Dad, I finally decided I was done feeling sick every day and I was done chasing these things. I went to rehab in 2012, I decided that I only needed the 15 day detox program because the withdrawal was really the only reason I kept chasing them, Right? Wrong.
I used immediately after leaving the facility. I thought I could do it every now and then, As long as I don’t withdrawal, I’m in control. That plan quickly failed as I continued to use everyday and become dependent again. The prices of the pharmaceuticals continued to rise during all of this and one day a friend of mine offered me to try some Heroin when my pill dealer was dry. I thought I loved Roxies but oh no, Heroin became my true love. I could get so high off such little money, I was on cloud nine.
Its been 4 years since I tried heroin, now my habit is worse than it ever was. I spend hundreds a day. I do anything to get the money for it and without the gorey details – I mean ANYTHING. I’ve gone to rehab 4 more times throughout these years, Every time it gets worse.
The withdrawal from heroin is so malicious, so disgusting and miserable that I always leave the facility for a fix. I am left feeling helpless, alone, and scared. I have such amazing dreams and I wonder if I will ever change. All substances are scary to play with, no addiction is better than the other and no one should ever waste their time and LIFE trying any drug because you will not stay in control. It is an ugly disease and anyone reading this, If you are sick and suffering- I feel for you. If you have yet to try getting high, Don’t do it. Life itself has so many blessings that you WILL miss out on. God bless.