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[ Personal Narratives ]

My Heroin Hero


This is my open letter to my hero..

Dear Heroin Hero,

What qualifies one to truly be someone’s hero? I’m ditching the norm like most of my thinking and telling you that you are my heroin super hero. You’ve unequivocally become one of the strongest and bravest people I know, because you’ve been to the depths of places most of us will never go or see in our lifetime, in 33 short but lived out years. You’ve stood up and fought back with more will power then all the times you let heroin steal your will power. And for that you are my hero.

I look back and have bunched together all the qualities in which you have truly become my hero. How you’ve become my biggest source of strength. Have kept me so teachable and humble and how you have helped me and so many others grow. It’s truly beautiful and unapologetically magical how so much pain and suffering has birthed so many positive things for us. And for you and your future, God willing.

You’re my hero because you let heroin rob you and us in so many ways but you never cowardly backed down in your multiple attempts to get back to a place where heroin didn’t steal from you anymore. You always fought in one way or another to ultimately survive the greatest fate by allowing heroin be interwoven into our story and making it shine brightly for our glory. Your superhero strength of bouncing between addiction and sobriety has not only glued our family together but beautifully unglued it for the better of everyone in such an amazing way.

You let something tragic and traumatic teach us all and inform us of your hero like persona by showing us all that you would either not quit letting heroin take or that you would continue to fight back. And to me that’s the bravest thing. You have come back over and and over and pleaded for forgiveness and redemption. To me that’s the true definition of “Suiting up and showing up”

You have looked all,

Your family in the eyes and asked for help time and time again. To which I imagine isn’t easy for you to do, I’m sure it’s painful and makes you feel worthless and unwanted. However you have always been wanted by us. You are someone’s someone, someone’s brother, father and son.

You have stood in front of those who you have lied, cheated and stole from and truly with love and respect asked for forgiveness and begged for mercy and grace. All while battling your own soul and demons, might I add pretty flawlessly if you ask me. You have never been afraid to ask for help at your worst, even when in most likely cases your told no. You have somehow found a way to adapt and improvise when needed.

You’re my hero because you have been to places inside your mind either high and along for the romantic ride with heroin or sober and doing the deal that most of us will never have to go. The torment and hurt and sadness you feel I can only understand parts of it. Your strength unwavering through it all. You have never ceased to amaze me over the years with your determination and tenacity to ride both sides of the fence. But truly wanting to ride one side. Sobriety.

Your honesty when the fog clears and when heroin has left you is by far some of the most honest conversation I’ve had with a human being. So thoughtful and genuine, often times the reflection in your tone makes me weep with such rawness and real ness. I feel privileged and honored that you would ever trust me with your demons, your truths unpopular or not. I’m grateful for the soul that pours out of you when you hang heroin up and you tell me how much you love us.

The pain that you have inflicted and how it didn’t define me but refined me, makes you my hero. Everything we have been through could have easily been used to play the victim card but instead I chose to use it to help. To help me, to help you and to help others. The pain you caused so big that everyday I chipped away at it. I taught myself though all your mess that I would also become my own hero. That I would use our story to help others, to tell the truth about how addiction affects families and you as a whole. How it changed our lives, mine included. Our story shared with hundreds of thousands of people who relate or understand the pain of watching a loved one suffer from addiction. That my friend makes you my hero.

You aren’t my hero because you wear a cape and save the universe. You are truly my hero because you took me to places I would never go if it wasn’t for you. You are my hero because through your addiction you taught us all so much about how not all heroes wear capes, but some stick needles in their arms. Come back and live to tell the tale.

Thank you for being my hero and allowing me to be apart of your story and journey, it’s surely made life interesting and rich and meaningful. Don’t ever stop being my hero.

Sincerely,

The girl you helped rescue