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[ Opinion ] [ Personal Narratives ]

Reaching Out for Help, Old Memories Changes, and Paris. Musings from Stephanie


I remember how hard the struggle was to admit I had a problem. My pride and delusional thinking always wanted to overpower the reality. My alcohol use was numbing my pain. Flowing through my bloodstream like a vicious cycle of raging vengeance that gave me a fearless feeling of confidence and strength.

When the alcohol wasn’t present, the reality set in. I was sad, depressed, and fucking hopeless. I felt like a worthless piece of shit that was never going to heal. I thought I could never face reality, and that all the positive posts on social media were just a bunch of crap. How could they really be happy? And sober? The reality is that they can be happy and sober, and so can you.

I’m not here to tell that the last three and a half clean and sober years of my life have been all sunshine and rainbows. I’m here to tell you the struggle is real, denial is huge, and acceptance is key. I’m here to tell you that you are not alone in this fight. Those positive posts from friends, loved ones, and strangers are true. They do care, and they do want to hear from you. Even that stranger you just followed on Instagram that posts all those quotes about life and positivity-yea, they care.

The one thing I know from experience is that the most depressingly scary and painful times, the times where all hope was seemingly faded, there was someone somewhere out there struggling much worse than me. At the same time, there was also someone somewhere out there that loved me much more than I loved myself. While I’m not a religious, but a spiritual person, I’m also a child of the unconditionally loving God of my understanding. The same God that I thought I failed, and had failed me, brought me from darkness to light. He brought me to brighter and happier days. The pain I thought would never go away was healed by a power greater than myself. The empty holes and hopelessness were filled.

The first step for me to heal and recover was to admit that I had a problem. I then had to realize I couldn’t fight this disease alone, so I had to let myself be vulnerable and ask for help. The pain you’re feeling is temporary, and with each new day you’re blessed with, you have the power to make it a better day than the day before. Before the beastly gripping disease or illness buries you in a cold, dark coffin, reach out. Ask for help. Know you are loved. Never forget that. Reach out to that loved one or stranger, stay strong, and beat that fucking disease’s ass with wisdom and courage. Lastly, anticipate the wondrous surprises to come in the new life you never imagined was possible.


As I was I was roadtrippin’ towards my Dad’s house, I realized the utmost dreadful cloud of blahs I get in the pit of my stomach as I get closer to my hometown weren’t creeping up today. I was able to take in some of my favorite scenery, and continue my jam session in my car! So many bad memories were engrained in my mind from that place, but I’m grateful for progress-even when slow at times.

It’s all about perspective, and what we make of a situation. I’m reminded of how thankful I am for the rewards of a life worth living. When we’re willing and ready to let the fears, doubts, and dreadful blahs go; old memories can be replaced overtime with new memories to be forever cherished. Super satisfied.


I love to see the changes in people in such a short period of time. From feeling down in the dumps, to sounding hopeful, bright-eyed, and positive. Seeing the beauty of these fall colors, and soaking up the sunshine are just a couple things we have all been guilty of taking for granted at times, myself included. Hopefully we can all find something to be grateful for today.


Paris is as the “City of Love.” Yesterday’s events are quite the opposite of a loving act. The Parisians didn’t deserve this, and these horrible acts have taken a toll overall on our world. It makes me feel sad and angry. How could anyone do such a terrible thing? Especially to so many innocent people. What I realized this morning was how angry it actually made me, and being resentful is never a good thing for the soul. Being resentful or angry only causes more hatred. Violence breeds more violence.

We should continue to pray for those who lost loved ones, and the families of those trying to cope with such a tragic event. We should also continue to pray for the attackers in this world-changing event. Although praying for those we are resentful at is never easy, it’s better than holding on to that steaming hot coal of resentment flaming up in our hearts and minds. Never feel as though you are only one person, too small to make a difference. It only takes one person to spread more love and less hatred in this seemingly chaotic world at times. My hope is to see others at least make an effort to do the next right thing, and spread as much kindness and compassion we possibly can.

Let’s not give up on humanity. Continue to pray. Prayers really do work. We don’t have to be religious gurus to say a quick prayer. God doesn’t care how you pray, or what you say. He lets people choose their own path, but when we get out of His way, things are usually much better than we ever imagined. Let’s give Him the control, and help bring peace on Earth. Together we can make a difference.