When we relapse like I just did, it’s an inner battle. You try so hard to fight through it, to keep treading above the water. And sometimes you can’t. I feel so ashamed as I lay here falling back into the comforting arms of my old friend. Prescription pills. I’ve battled with them for the last 5 years. I do so good, and then out of nowhere, they grab me. It’s when I’m alone, and feeling like I’m nothing; feeling ugly.
My addiction wraps his arms around me makes me feel comfortable in my skin. He makes me feel beautiful and whole again. Running his long fingers through the holes in my heart, making me feel like they’re gone. But deep down, I know they never will be. Those holes are from pieces of me that are gone, and are never coming back. Just like these last 9 months of sobriety. All 9 months gone up my nose. I’m so ashamed. But I’m so alone.
Editor’s Note: If you’re struggling with addiction, you are never alone. Reach out to the recovery community and ask for help.