Sitting in the dealer’s driveway
Whispering to God about my shame
I do this when I’m alone
When there’s no one else to blame
Weeping in the name of hypocrisy
Head down, can’t look Him in the eye
Trying to numb what only He can heal
Does He hear my prayers when I’m high?
As I ingest my toxicity for the day
I imagine He too can feel the sickening effects
What kind of faithful servant
Would try to destroy what He exists to protect?
My Father knows what burns in my veins
Feels the sting of the fire in my heart
He turns the tremor in my hands into stillness
As I bleed all this guilt into my dark art
I try to love me like He does
How can I do that when I hurt Him faithfully?
It’s a caustic mix I concoct in my soul
All this blind faith and hypocrisy
I can’t hide the ways that I fail Him
He sees under each and every thick layer
I just keep my head down and heart open
Thankful He’s listening to a sinner’s prayer