All too often we feel an amazing power of resistance within ourselves. As the haze of active addiction begins to fade, we are determined to never go back to what nearly destroyed us. So we begin the process of change, then life happens. Maybe nothing that significant, just the average daily stressors we take for granted and we are back in the chains of self hatred, a bird with broken wings. Once we pick up the drug again, we struggle to make sense of how things got so bad. We feel hopeless and many of us do not make it.
The tangled web of finding help may distract us from believing we matter to the world outside. Let me assure you, YOU MATTER. We must find our worth and fight for our lives because it’s quite easy to get lost in this process. Your greatest advocate is yourself. You deserve to recover as much as anyone else. Reach out to those who have what you seek and hold on tight. If you want to get clean, you must be willing to do whatever it takes. Everything you think you know has to be put to rest and you must accept you may know how to get clean- but staying clean is an entirely different reality.
Freedom from active addiction is the most beautiful gift we could give to ourselves, do not deny yourself of this. This is the fight of your life. Even if you get knocked down, you can pick yourself up and come back stronger with the knowledge of your weaknesses. Break the chains of self doubt, spread your wings and soar.
After spending over twenty years weaving in and out of active addiction, I have found what works for me. It took complete surrender. What came next was nothing short of miraculous, a year of abstinence and an ability to become the woman I never thought I’d be. It was my own self doubt that kept me repeating the same mistakes. Today, I have faith in this process and I love who I am. The road was long and treacherous, but well worth the struggle.