I lay next to my 9 year old son as he holds on to the picture of him and his father, the picture was taken when he was just a baby, less than a year old. He is crying at first then sobbing, he cries for his dad, his best friend. It’s been 7 months since he saw him and when he did, his dad, a man over six foot weighed no more than 130 pounds. My son cries to me asking why he can’t see daddy and why his daddy is in jail. With tears In my eyes, I explain the best I can that daddy has some problems he needs to work through and in jail he can get help. He cries himself to sleep and I hold him as he says over and over that it’s so unfair . I think to myself ” I know son, I know.”
All the children are fast asleep and I walk around the house watching each of them peacefully sleep and wonder how I got here. Raising three beautiful children on my own has been a challenge. My almost one year old doesn’t know who his father is. Just the thought of that shreds my heart and soul. My 7 year old daughter had finally gotten used to having her dad around and it was once again ripped away from her. My ex-husband started with pills and went on to meth. Over the course of 10 years and three beautiful children, he struggled almost daily, the rage, the mood swings and the financial strain was beyond exhausting. We did have a peaceful and sober year or two in there , which is why we had more children. In our minds he had recovered each time and we wanted the family we dreamed of but sadly the sobriety never lasted more than a few months. I tried to get him into treatment on several occasions and each time he refused. He kept saying he could do it on his own.
After our 3rd child things hit absolute rock bottom. He was no longer him, a shell of person was all that was left. He was consumed by drugs and the lifestyle. Fast forward to now and he’s looking at a two year prison sentence due to drugs. I still have faith that the Lord with work on him and protect and guide my children and I to live a happy and healthy life we so much deserve . I wish the best for him, but my kids deserve to be kids and not worry about their dad. God bless you moms, dads, grandparents, friends and family who help support the single parents out here trying to rebuild our lives that were destroyed the pills, the syringe, the bottle and the pipe.