You saw the tears I fought to hide as you gently whispered truth that meant no harm,
you “can forgive but will never forget,” such powerful words spoken with such innocent charm.
And yet I yearned for them to sting like a knife piercing my heart so I too don’t forget…
the time I fell into the depths of hell and lost my way in the endless pit.
You heard me say if I could take it back, my addiction would not be a part of your past,
a time when I should be celebrating you, instead I sank into pain that alcohol no longer masked.
Back then you pleaded to know why God who loves you would let such evil into your untroubled flow,
and why allow such poison to steal a mother who taught you of His undying love, not so many years ago.
My delirious mind recalls you screaming out these questions that slashed straight to my core,
but under the curse of my addiction, all reason was lost and my mind could hear no more.
And today in my recovery I sometimes wonder why,
bad things happen to all of us in this life before we die.
But God held me tightly through those hellacious days and beyond my ability to know,
by no other way than His mysterious grace He never let me go.
He knew I needed Him to be strong and to hold on with all His might,
because He knew that I was sinking fast and way too weak to fight.
And even though I still don’t know how it is to be,
He also knew that on this earth He had yet to be done with me.
That I had more purpose left to fulfill and more journeys to embark,
to be a mother celebrating successes as you leave your glorious mark.
And to show through my adversities; He gave the strength to pull me through,
to love you unconditionally and see all your dreams come true.
This purpose of my life renewed I take on with such undeserving grace,
to play a divine part in who you were meant to be, while in this earthly place.
And who you may now become, particularly because you have seen me wake…
the one who got shaken, who was bent but did not break.
So forgive me please but don’t ever forget, and especially praise His great relief,
and allow me to watch you soar far above any mountains of sorrow or disbelief.
And may the broken curse that once plagued our lives remind you, as it was the truth for me,
in any depths of darkness in His strength He will set you free.