The sounds of apologies bouncing across my mind- as empty as the couch you slept on countless times…
The couch that had to be thrown away the day you died..
I’m sorry for this; I’m sorry for that. These ‘sorry’s’ ring through my head like a clanging cymbal every single day for so many years. They invade my thoughts and keep me awake at night, but it’s too late for sorry’s.
Its been eleven months since I watched you slip from my grip, and I apologized all the way through. Only God knows what I was saying sorry for; only God knew…
All the sorry’s in my heart, and the prayers on my lips couldn’t restore your beautiful soul. I’m so sorry I couldn’t tell you how sorry I was before you had to go.
You were my brother for nearly thirty-eight years, and forevermore. . .
No matter where I go, where I live, who I’m with – I will always have in my heart an apology for you. If given the opportunity I’d drop to my knees with my heart burst open and tears flowing down my cheeks.
You see, that very first needle mark on your arm belongs to me.