Winorexia is the condition of never having enough wine to drink. Never satisfied.
My fantasy yesterday was that I could have a glass of champagne. Just one. I could stop at one glass and at the very most two glasses.
Like all of us drunks, the the past is proof that there is no stopping at one drink. My historic pattern is that I start drunk dialing people (I am compulsive drunk dialer) it’s a curse. Then in a day or two I am in the ER. I had been blacked out drunk and manic and uncontrollable.
My reason-thinking was not working yesterday. Nor today really. I will rely on the wisdom of sober drunks, though it annoys me. AA annoys me. It is there when I need it however and I need it now.
Sucks. It does suck to start off the day thinking of booze. My dog is by my side, my family is rushing to get ready for the day, birds are chirping… and I am wondering if today might be an ok day to drink. It just sucks.
This is my journey. It is what will continue to form me into “who” of what I am. I think I will just accept.
“Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years when they could just say, So what. That’s one of my favorite things to say. So what.”
― Andy Warhol, The Philosophy of Andy Warhol